Friday, 29 July 2016

To go or not to go

So it's been a while since I've blogged... probably due to my very minimal contact with the Church these days. So what's brought me back to write this blog? Well here I go...

Life has been quite good the past few months since my last post - my partner and I are still happily coupled, my family has been more accepting as I could ever have imagined, I have made some of the most amazing friends - I have never been more content with my life. 

Out of the blue, I get a text from my former Bishop inviting me to come to Church this Sunday as he has requested to teach a 5th Sunday lesson on homosexuality and would like my opinion on his lesson. If you haven't already read my previous posts, my Bishop has been nothing but supportive and understanding during the journey of my leaving the Church. He wants to use this opportunity to educate members around homosexuality and if anything help those feeling unwanted and those who maybe struggling with SSA to feel loved and that it is okay. I will never cease to be amazed at how progressive my Bishop is. His invitation for me to come to Church (without any pressure and completely  up to me) has brought some anxiety... Sunday is 2 days away and I haven't even made up my mind yet. 

I mean when I left the Church and put it all behind me roughly a year ago, I never thought I would feel this way about returning casually for a Sunday. I really feel that my views have changed and going to Church isn't something that I want to do. What would people think of me? How do I answer people's questions about what I have been up to? What do I say when the missionaries want to come visit me? 

On the other hand, when will I get another opportunity to give a lived experience to a progressive Bishop who obviously is a great ally to have. Or give a young person hope that life is not over and really does not have to be that bad being gay.

Should I be selfless and put my fears aside? Should I even let a part of Church back into my life when life has been going so well for me? Is it worth putting myself through anxiety to run the risk of being angry hearing members voice their views on homosexuality because lets face it - the doctrine is the doctrine, they will not be okay with someone being openly gay. 

What should I do?

Monday, 29 February 2016

The Mostly Unfabulous Life of an 'Ex'-Mormon Boy

As you may have already picked up from the title of this post... I have officially resigned from the LDS Church.

My inactivity in the Church over the past year have been the best year of my life however I've never felt like keeping my membership in the Church would cause any harm so I never really seriously considered removing my membership. So here's a few events that contributed to this recent move.

Policy Changes:
I really felt I wanted to express my stance on the Church and its policy change on the LGBTI issues. Did I really want to still show my support in an organisation that would disfellowship and ultimately ex-communicate me for being in a loving relationship? If this was the outcome, I would rather do it on my terms.

My Mum told me one day that she wanted me to remove my membership as she felt that I would be held more accountable being a member and not obeying the commandments than not being a member anymore. I could see where she was coming from.

The final reason is really for myself. I feel like the Church has still been apart of my life in many different ways despite not attending - such as the missionaries calling wanting to visit earlier in the year. I feel like my boyfriend feels somewhat threatened by the Church and the role it has played in my life and although this has been less and less of an issue, it is still the unspoken vibe that I feel everytime Mormons or Utah is mentioned on a TV show we're watching (and surprisingly Mormons are talked about quite a bit in pop culture). I've started a new chapter in my life and I feel like I have yet to completely close an older chapter and this is where my resignation comes from.

So I made an appointment with my Bishop to ask if I could see him. He was excited to meet me, it has been quite a while since we've met and I'm sure he was holding onto the hope that I had explored and realised that I wanted to return to Church. Even if that was what he was thinking he did an amazing job hiding it because he was nothing but supportive. In fact he shared some very inspiring stories and beliefs he has with me that gave me some hope that maybe one day LGBTI people would be more welcome in an LDS Church.

So that's that. A chapter closed and another chapter I'm excited for :)

I might expand a bit further in a future post some of Bishop's views.