Friday, 29 July 2016

To go or not to go

So it's been a while since I've blogged... probably due to my very minimal contact with the Church these days. So what's brought me back to write this blog? Well here I go...

Life has been quite good the past few months since my last post - my partner and I are still happily coupled, my family has been more accepting as I could ever have imagined, I have made some of the most amazing friends - I have never been more content with my life. 

Out of the blue, I get a text from my former Bishop inviting me to come to Church this Sunday as he has requested to teach a 5th Sunday lesson on homosexuality and would like my opinion on his lesson. If you haven't already read my previous posts, my Bishop has been nothing but supportive and understanding during the journey of my leaving the Church. He wants to use this opportunity to educate members around homosexuality and if anything help those feeling unwanted and those who maybe struggling with SSA to feel loved and that it is okay. I will never cease to be amazed at how progressive my Bishop is. His invitation for me to come to Church (without any pressure and completely  up to me) has brought some anxiety... Sunday is 2 days away and I haven't even made up my mind yet. 

I mean when I left the Church and put it all behind me roughly a year ago, I never thought I would feel this way about returning casually for a Sunday. I really feel that my views have changed and going to Church isn't something that I want to do. What would people think of me? How do I answer people's questions about what I have been up to? What do I say when the missionaries want to come visit me? 

On the other hand, when will I get another opportunity to give a lived experience to a progressive Bishop who obviously is a great ally to have. Or give a young person hope that life is not over and really does not have to be that bad being gay.

Should I be selfless and put my fears aside? Should I even let a part of Church back into my life when life has been going so well for me? Is it worth putting myself through anxiety to run the risk of being angry hearing members voice their views on homosexuality because lets face it - the doctrine is the doctrine, they will not be okay with someone being openly gay. 

What should I do?

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