Sunday, 28 May 2017


So I've just watched the Book of Mormon musical for the 4th time today - it still has me laughing in stitches throughout the show. I wonder if my friends actually get it as much as I do.

As I sat through the musical and the 95% accurate portrayal of Mormonism, I reflect in amazement that there was once a time I actually believed in the teachings of the Church. What now sound like a silly bunch of made up stories was enough to make me willing to dedicate everything I had to the Church (note - i consciously decided not to use 'God')

My friend asked me after the show 'did you really have to be in the apartment by 9pm?'

Yep - along with no TV, radio, newspapers, books, music - or anything that was not focused on the Church.... yet this only sounds a little brainwash-y to me now.

Taking the 'I believe' song for a minute...

- God lives on a planet called Kolob???
- The Garden of Eden in Jackson County Missouri??????
- Ancient Jews built boats and sailed to America??????
- Thomas Monson speaks directly to God??? - I actually truly believed this one!
- Me getting my own planet???

 Okay so now that I've stopped singing the song.... yes, Mormonism is full of stories and really 'out there' ideas and beliefs yet millions of people out there believe in it... with every fibre of their being...

How can some people believe so freely some not? How can people believe so certainly with no room for alternatives yet have never experienced the contrary? Just like the point of the song, I felt like I was taught to 'just believe'. I'm also a strong believer in the power of verbalisation and the more we verbalise things, the more we begin to process them in our mind and some things just become real. Ofcourse this isn't always the case but it certainly helps some people process things and cope.

Well, my view now is - who cares what you believe in! As long as you're not hurting anyone and it brings you joy - have at it!

Despite my views now, I do not regret going on a mission. My mission taught me so much about myself, other people and the world. I learned so much about getting along with people, cleaning habits and approaching random strangers on the street to start a conversation. Plus, I totally would not have enjoyed the musical as much as I do now!

If you haven't seen it already - do yourself a favour a go see it!

Saturday, 14 January 2017

2017 - Where Are You Now?

Hey all! It's been a while since my last post so here's a bit of an update from my last post...

2016 in review:
I think 2015 was such an amazing year it would be hard to top and surely, 2016 was certainly not as exciting. Life was pretty ordinary. It was filled with mundane life activities which weren't all bad but certainly ordinary.

The year was filled with memories with my partner - moving in, going on holidays together, arguing over housework, stressing about life, sharing fond memories, building furniture together, cooking dinners, catching up with friends and family and work.

I probably would've had a more positive review of 2016 recent events haven't been a little negative. My partner and I which I left off with last time have been going through some challenges and the future is all a bit too uncertain right now.

Here's the 2016 wrap up!

- Partner moved in
- Met some amazing people along the way and friends I intend to keep for life
- Strengthened some friendships
- Met my partner's parents and our parents meeting (who would've thought?!?!?)
- Travelled South East Asia with my partner
- Started another new job
- Saw Carrie Underwood live in concert!!

So that's 2016....

Interesting enough Church almost always defaults back into my mind when other aspects of my life aren't as perfect maybe because it was so conditioned into me as a child that in hard time to turn to God. Don't get me wrong, I certainly have not felt an urge to return to activity in the Church or have a change of heart but somehow, the Church always seems to resurface in one way or another. In the last week I saw 2 set of missionaries on 2 different occasions. When I see missionaries I always feel compelled to give them money to buy food because we were always poor on our mission and I will never forget an inactive member giving us money to buy food on a train once. Then again, missionary service is very different these days then it was when I was on my mission - since when was Facebook appropriate on a mission?!

I have also been asked a question recently by a colleague about whether or not I am spiritual. I actually feel quite confident in explaining my beliefs now - I do believe in a higher power out there but I don't believe they align with organised religion. Life is too beautiful to be a coincidence. I guess I have found peace in what I believe in even though the citing of Mormons still catches my attention and probably always will. I am certainly a advocate for freedom and choices as long as the person is making a choice that is not coerced whether overtly or covertly. I too often see people feeling pressured to make certain decision in the Church due to social pressures, expectations or unspoken rules. What people choose is their choice but they need to make an informed decision. I certainly don't feel like I could've made an inform decision at 18 to stay in the Church without ever experiencing what it was like to embrace my sexuality. Not to say you should be a slut (not that there's anything wrong with that, just not my cup of tea), but I think everyone should see both sides before they dedicate their life to something.

Well there's my rant for now :)

Happy 2017!

Friday, 29 July 2016

To go or not to go

So it's been a while since I've blogged... probably due to my very minimal contact with the Church these days. So what's brought me back to write this blog? Well here I go...

Life has been quite good the past few months since my last post - my partner and I are still happily coupled, my family has been more accepting as I could ever have imagined, I have made some of the most amazing friends - I have never been more content with my life. 

Out of the blue, I get a text from my former Bishop inviting me to come to Church this Sunday as he has requested to teach a 5th Sunday lesson on homosexuality and would like my opinion on his lesson. If you haven't already read my previous posts, my Bishop has been nothing but supportive and understanding during the journey of my leaving the Church. He wants to use this opportunity to educate members around homosexuality and if anything help those feeling unwanted and those who maybe struggling with SSA to feel loved and that it is okay. I will never cease to be amazed at how progressive my Bishop is. His invitation for me to come to Church (without any pressure and completely  up to me) has brought some anxiety... Sunday is 2 days away and I haven't even made up my mind yet. 

I mean when I left the Church and put it all behind me roughly a year ago, I never thought I would feel this way about returning casually for a Sunday. I really feel that my views have changed and going to Church isn't something that I want to do. What would people think of me? How do I answer people's questions about what I have been up to? What do I say when the missionaries want to come visit me? 

On the other hand, when will I get another opportunity to give a lived experience to a progressive Bishop who obviously is a great ally to have. Or give a young person hope that life is not over and really does not have to be that bad being gay.

Should I be selfless and put my fears aside? Should I even let a part of Church back into my life when life has been going so well for me? Is it worth putting myself through anxiety to run the risk of being angry hearing members voice their views on homosexuality because lets face it - the doctrine is the doctrine, they will not be okay with someone being openly gay. 

What should I do?

Monday, 29 February 2016

The Mostly Unfabulous Life of an 'Ex'-Mormon Boy

As you may have already picked up from the title of this post... I have officially resigned from the LDS Church.

My inactivity in the Church over the past year have been the best year of my life however I've never felt like keeping my membership in the Church would cause any harm so I never really seriously considered removing my membership. So here's a few events that contributed to this recent move.

Policy Changes:
I really felt I wanted to express my stance on the Church and its policy change on the LGBTI issues. Did I really want to still show my support in an organisation that would disfellowship and ultimately ex-communicate me for being in a loving relationship? If this was the outcome, I would rather do it on my terms.

My Mum told me one day that she wanted me to remove my membership as she felt that I would be held more accountable being a member and not obeying the commandments than not being a member anymore. I could see where she was coming from.

The final reason is really for myself. I feel like the Church has still been apart of my life in many different ways despite not attending - such as the missionaries calling wanting to visit earlier in the year. I feel like my boyfriend feels somewhat threatened by the Church and the role it has played in my life and although this has been less and less of an issue, it is still the unspoken vibe that I feel everytime Mormons or Utah is mentioned on a TV show we're watching (and surprisingly Mormons are talked about quite a bit in pop culture). I've started a new chapter in my life and I feel like I have yet to completely close an older chapter and this is where my resignation comes from.

So I made an appointment with my Bishop to ask if I could see him. He was excited to meet me, it has been quite a while since we've met and I'm sure he was holding onto the hope that I had explored and realised that I wanted to return to Church. Even if that was what he was thinking he did an amazing job hiding it because he was nothing but supportive. In fact he shared some very inspiring stories and beliefs he has with me that gave me some hope that maybe one day LGBTI people would be more welcome in an LDS Church.

So that's that. A chapter closed and another chapter I'm excited for :)

I might expand a bit further in a future post some of Bishop's views.

Wednesday, 30 December 2015

What A Year !

Before I start this post, I'm aware that I haven't followed up on my cliff hanger post just over 2 months ago and I will address it for those who are dying to find out, (I know you're out there... somewhere).

So seeing as tomorrow is NYE and 2015 has seemingly flashed before my eyes, it only befitting to recap 2015 and look at how many of my New Year resolutions were met.

Let me just say... WHAT A YEAR!

So here they are, my goals from my resolutions post for this year:

- visit my parents at least 4 times (X - I only managed 2 visit this year)
- spend time together as an entire family twice (X - just the once)
 - fall in love (TICK - woohoo!!)
 - don't say no to an invite for no good reason (TICK - I reckon this one was met)
- make 2 new good friends (friends that actually hang out together regularly) (TICK - I've actually made lots of friends this year!)
 - work for protective services OR get a promotion in my current field (TICK - took the leap here too)
 - travel to the USA (TICK - best.trip.ever)
 - Fit into clothes the next size up (X - not quite yet...)
- Pick up a recreational sport (X - not even close)
- Get ripped Be healthy (HALF-TICK - going to the USA definitely set me back)
 - find God and develop a relationship with Him if He is there (HALF-TICK - well this is an interesting one, I'll elaborate below)

 All in all, 2015 has been one killer year.

Things I achieved in 2015 in no particular order:


Most of the pictures are quite self explanatory except for maybe the last one.

I guess the last symbolises the inner peace I feel with where I am spiritually. I feel free, no longer caged by an institution. I feel closer to nature and perhaps the being that overlooks us from above.

I don't feel a need to make any resolutions for 2016. I honestly feel that I have everything I could ever ask for and then some. I just hope the saying 'what goes up must come down' is not true otherwise 2016 will have a lot to come down from. Perhaps that's why I don't blog as much, I don't feel I needed the outlet I did in the past to vent or there may not even be anything to vent about. Afterall, why would I need to vent when I have an amazing partner by my side (#2).

Happy 2016!!

Monday, 12 October 2015

Will You Accept This Rose?

It's been a while since I've posted mainly due to the crazy schedule I've had recently.

Lots have happened in the last few months - mainly good (or great!) But also with it's fair share of dilemmas.

Let me try and recap some of the things I've wanted to post about but haven't had the time to.

Before I start, I should give bit of context to the entertainment climate of Australia... heard of the show The Bachelor? Well we're onto our 3rd season here and it's a massive hit! Everyone watches it and it's everywhere... it has correlations with the post!

Once upon a time...

About 2 months ago I was bored and probably a bit lonely so I used a lot of dating apps and as per usual didn't find anything substantial. I still refused to hook up with guys however I found my boundaries were getting pushed back further and further. Before I knew it I had a guy over for a movie and some cuddling. It felt nice but I knew it didn't mean anything to him because he clearly was looking for something casual. We had a good night watching a movie and cuddling and even made out. I constantly had to move his hands northward though. He made an excuse to stay over under the premise that we wouldn't have sex as it was too late for him to drive home and he was too tired. To be honest, I quite enjoyed his company. What I found really odd was he started texting me daily after we met up that once. Let's call him Candidate 1.

Simultaneously I had posted an ad for an old fashioned date which some random guy responded to. We had planned to go grab a coffee (or hot beverage) but he bailed on me last minute so I thought he was a bit of a flake. Nevertheless he rescheduled for another day or I thought I'd give him one more chance. We caught up for coffee (in relation to time we caught up for coffee a couple of days after I met Candidate 1), and it was really nice. This guy had great values, we connected on several levels and wanted much of the same things. I had my reservations though because I thought he was a bit young and wasn't really sure if he was interested. The date just consisted of us having an ice cream and chatting... for about 4 hours. I had to go or I think we would've talked for longer. He shall be Candidate 2.

Also simultaneously a guy had sent me a message on one of my dating apps and we had been sending messages back and forth for a few days. We had organised a date the following day from when I met Candidate 2. We caught up the following day and just walked around the beach and just chatted. It was for a good 2 hours too and it was quite nice. He was quite a quirky guy who had a great sense of humour and clearly very mature in his thinking. He had a lot of life experiences which was apparent in the way he talked about the way he handled situations and viewed life. He shall be Candidate 3.

So Candidate 1 had been texting me throughout this time and I had told him I went on a very promising date to which he then asked if he could take me on a 'proper date' soon before the other guys snapped me up. I was pretty shocked to be honest as I didn't think he wanted anything serious. I said yes and we met up later that night for a tea which was also very lovely.

Then there I was... 3 wonderful guys all at once... I only asked for one guy. All 3 of them were great in their own way and they were all so different. I felt like I had a different connection with each of them.

Candidate 1: Very intelligent, we shared a lot of commonality in life experience and our passion for social justice and we had amazing chemistry. On the down side he was a self confessed manwhore who apparently was sick of sleeping around and wanted something stable. He was 27.

Candidate 2: Very down to earth and we shared a lot of common values and aspirations in life. He also had a super awesome North American accent. On the down side, I wasn't sure if he really knew what he wanted in life. He is afterall only 22.

Candidate 3: Very creative and artsy type of guy with a wealth of life experience, made me feel very comfortable when I was talking with him. We were from very different worlds though and I wasn't sure if our world's were compatible. He was 30

There you have it. I can say that the decision was a difficult one. The most amazing part of this story was that I actually spoke to my Mum about these guys and she gave me very good advice on who I should pick. I could never have imagined talking to my Mum about boys! She gave me some very good advice too which confirmed who I should pick. I knew deep inside who I wanted to pick but I was afraid I would make the wrong decision. I felt like I was a contestant on The Bachelor.. all these amazing guys with whom I had a connection with but I could only choose one!

I can reveal that I am happily in a relationship with one of the 3 candidates. As per how these shows (The Bachelor) usually go, the result will be announced next episode (post). Hahaha!

Thanks for reading :)

Sunday, 5 July 2015

My 3 cents

I started writing a post about a month ago with my two cents regarding the social media outburst around Ireland legalising same sex marriage and the whole Caitlyn Jenner saga but stopped half way through just due to lack of brain power. I've always intended to finish that post and the recent news in the US sparked another fire in me to continue to write the post yet it doesn't seem right anymore so I've started from scratch. Let's hope I finish this one...

So to say the least I was quite angered by the overwhelming response on social media expressing their opposition to same sex marriage. Whilst I generally steer clear of political conversations on Facebook I could no longer hold my peace and posted my support for the legalisation of same sex marriage. The first Facebook friend to delete me was ironically a guy I had converted on my mission.

After posting the status, reading an abundance of articles and several intense phone conversations with friends about the issue I have somewhat come to peace with the issue.

There's a lot of talk of love and acceptance but too often the words are easily said yet so difficult to show. I understand the need to respect other people's decisions but I will continue to speak up and be an advocate for what I believe in.

I saw an article that didn't really sit well with me (amongst articles with allegations that same sex marriages will pave the way for polygamy & pedophilia), and I wanted to get fellow MoHo's opinions as I know that this forum has both Mormons who still choose to follow the Gospel and those that choose not to. I had quite a few friends share this article and while it presents a very unique point I could not see myself relating to it as a gay Mormon and this could be due to the fact that I have deviated from the Gospel.

 Have a read here

The question I'm wondering is do SSA Mormons really feel disheartened when their friends show their support for gay marriage?

I did get a crack up out of a status I saw on Facebook which I didn't know was supportive of gay marriage or a typo: "I believe marriage to be between a man and women". (Unfortunately the person edited the status and it was a typo).